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I’m so tired of feeling shitty over you. I keep throwing myself at you over, and over, and over again but you never catch me. I fall each and every time, and it hurts. It hurts so much. It hurts that I’m trying so hard to keep what we had and you’re in a completely different world. I feel so stupid trying over and over again, not giving up, being relentless, because it’s not me. It’s not me at all. I don’t do this chasing thing. And I’m tired of running circles around you. I want to give up so badly, and I want my heart to break so much so that I can finally move on—but you won’t let it. Instead of pushing me away you’re there with an outreached hand picking me back up when it’s convenient for you. That’s sending me the biggest mixed signals. It gives me hope. You say you care, but you don’t show it. When I walk away for days, or weeks, or months, you don’t come looking for me. And I think that’s why it’s so hard to let go. Because when I do, I know that’s the end. And I want this so much right now. I’m so stupid.
Susane Colasanti, So Much Closer